Here I Go Again...

The Pacific Crest Trail traverses deserts, mountains, and forests, and spans 2650 miles from Mexico to Canada. Within the first few weeks of my AT thruhike, I knew I wanted to do the PCT one day, and often my thoughts drifted to the west coast even as I hiked along the east. While I was committed to the idea, I had no idea how hard it would be to commit to the decision. To thruhike the AT, I really had nothing to lose and everything to gain. I had just finished college a year earlier and hadn't committed to a job. I had no family depending on me. I was young, had few responsibilities and few bills. The timing was perfect and I had the money. I had been planning on doing it for years, so the choice was obvious. But unlike last time, deciding to commit to the PCT this year was an internal battle. This time, I have something to lose. Because while I say yes to the PCT, I have to say no to people I love and jobs I enjoy. I am taking more of a risk, and encountering more of a setback by doing this hike. The decision was complicated by the fact that, as I get older, I feel more and more the pressure to conform to what many would call a "normal" life; to settle into a full time job, get a house, start a family, etc. There are certain expectations society places on an individual, and if you do not meet those expectations or fall into those standards you are frowned upon, often labeled "a burden to society" by the narrow-minded. And perhaps because of this non-conformity I felt a little guilty. Guilty that I, once again, was about to set off on a grand adventure. An ambition that many dream of but few have the time and means to do. Meanwhile, many are tied down, unable to get away from responsibilities. I felt like I didn't deserve another hike. I haven't just put in hundreds of hours of studying for school or years and years of working at a job. I don't feel the need to go on another "vacation." All this weighing on me, I agonized over deciding whether or not I should hike this year. So unless the PCT was brought up in conversation or someone needed to know, I mostly kept quiet about a thruhike, as to speak it felt like I had to commit to it. And to commit meant there was no going back. I had to ask myself: if not now, when? It will only get more difficult to get away as time goes on. There is never a good time to do this kind of thing. So I decided to go for it. Even though I sit at a hostel in CA, I don't think the magnitude of this walk has really hit me yet. It all seems surreal. The PCT seems like a distant dream, not something I'm doing right now. But my gear is packed, permit is printed, and resupply is mailed. Now all I have to do.. is walk.