I am not like many thruhikers. A lot of them say thruhiking is the hardest thing they have ever done. Many admit they didn't think they would be one of the few to complete it. Although there were hard days, thruhiking is not the hardest thing I have ever done, and I knew without a doubt that I would finish it before I even started. But despite these differences, even I have not escaped that fact that thruhiking changes people. It is this fact that leads many to go for the long walk in the first place; they want to see a change in themselves and the way they view the world. I have thought long and hard to try to figure out how I am different because of this experience, and I have a hard time putting this kind of thing into words. I don't know how to explain who I was at the beginning of the trail compared to the end, and most of the changes are so subtle or internal that other people might not notice. However, these are the things in which I have noticed a change:
Confidence
I would have considered myself a confident person before the trail, but it was nothing compared to the confidence now. Every time you do what you were afraid to do, every time you conquer a challenge, confidence is boosted. Facing bears, hitchhiking, talking with strangers, calling hostels (I hate talking on the phone), climbing mountains, hiking long days... with every achievement, confidence builds.
Slower to judge
Over the course of the trail I have become good friends with people twice my age, three times my age, years younger than me, successful business people, retired people, veterans, students, and people who don't know what they are doing in life. Time and time again, I have had amazing conversations with people completely different than myself, people I wouldn't have talked to in every day life. When we learn where people have been, the journey they have taken in life, we begin to understand why they are the way they are. Stereotypes and initial judgements fall away as we allow ourselves to see the person behind the face. After a time, we can learn to withhold judgements before getting to know someone.
Intentional with relationships
It is so easy to forget that the people we pass by have their own stories and struggles, and if we were to just stop and spend some time getting to know them we may discover we are more alike than meets the eye. People separate themselves from strangers. To many others, I am just a passing face. Sometimes we tend to forget that we all are human, that we were born to interact with one another. I was able to experience a community of humans. We treated each other like real people. To stop, look each other in the eye, and recognize we were all in this together is not only for the trail. Each random interaction can be the start of a great relationship, or a fading memory of an intentional stranger, but no matter what, we acknowledged that humanity connects us all.
Openness to new experience and other kinds of people
How can we live if we are constantly closing ourselves off to new experiences and people for fear that they are dangerous, that they may change our minds, that they may expose our true selves? Fling wide the doors and let yourself try new things and meet new people, doing something scary or different, dare to feel raw emotions and completely be yourself. We may discover incredible things, make lasting friendships, and have untold adventures if we just allow ourselves to open up. This lesson was taught to me all along the trail.
Desire to help
Whenever I see someone in need, I can't help but want to help. Sometimes I will act on this desire and sometimes I will pass the opportunity by, but I have gained a greater awareness of people's needs.
God provides
Early in the hike, I didn't plan for my increasing appetite and one day I peered into my food bag to discover it was nearly empty. The next town was still a few days away. Please let there be trail magic, I had barely finished praying these words before I heard in my head "I have already provided." A sense of extreme peace immediately washed over me. Sure enough, later in the day we came across trail magic. I have prayed for a ride, prayed for safety, prayed for friendships, and when I needed it most, God provided.
Awareness of excessive stuff
I am pretty sure I could rank among the people who have the most stuff. I don't use much of it most of the time, but I am reluctant to let it go in case I might need it, or for nostalgic reasons. After living (and being happy) with only twenty pounds of possessions, I am even more aware of how much unnecessary stuff I have. The first thing I did when I got home was sort through most of my possessions and try to declutter my life.
Gratitude
Every time I turn on the faucet I am thrilled at the immediacy of water. I don't have to walk a half mile to get it or wait half an hour to filter it. It is right there, clean water rushing out of the faucet at the flick of a knob. I have a roof and four walls over my head, and I don't have to take it down every morning. I have a fridge stocked with food and a car to take me places fast. There are so many things humans have invented to make our lives easier, and I never want to take what I have for granted.
Take each day at a time, enjoy the journey
When I started in Georgia, my sights were set on Maine. I quickly found how exhausting it was to keep such a distant destination in the forefront of my mind. Soon, I started to split my goals into different destinations. This shelter for today, that town in three days. If I focused on the town or mile marker I wanted to get to and pushed Katahdin to the haze in the back of my mind, I was able to mentally handle the enormous task. With each new day, I focused all my energy on getting through that day, and success followed. If you start by focusing on the end, you will wear yourself out.
When I became too focused on the destination, I forgot to have fun in the journey. I have missed countless lookouts and waterfalls because I was too focused on getting in the miles, but I have also decided to screw the miles and spend hours at a lookout or go for a swim in the falls. Pushing on got me there, certainly, but usually left me with regret and annoyance. If I allowed for some flexibility with my daily destination I felt the immense freedom of being able to take extra time for a break and enjoy myself. My favorite memories were those of allowing myself a spontaneous adventure.
If I planned too far ahead, plans would inevitably fall through or get changed. If the trail has taught me anything, it is to be in the present. Why waste time and effort to constantly be focused on a future that, in all reality, doesn't exist? There is only now. You can't hike the entire trail in a day, but it must be taken in steps. You can't plan for a lifetime, but it must be taken a day at a time.
The six months on the AT were simple: follow the blaze, wherever it leads, and it will get you to your destination. No matter what happened, no matter where you were, you could always rely on the white blaze to prove you were on the right path. A hiker once counted every blaze along the Appalachian Trail. He came up with 91,000. For half a year, 91,000 blazes told me where to go, and reassured me I was indeed on the correct trail. I didn't have to question if they were leading me down a rabbit path, but trusted they would take me to where I wanted to go. After graduating college, both Firefly and I felt like "our lives ended after the AT"-- we planned our lives up to the trail, and then we had no idea what would happen afterward. Mentally, post-trail life was a blank space. Now I am living in that blank space, and wow, it sure is blank. It has been exactly seven weeks since I summited Katahdin, and I'm in the process of figuring out what to do next, where to go from here. This time, there are no white blazes for me to follow, no strips of paint to tell me the direction to head. No, I have to paint them myself as I go along in life, and decide for myself where the trail leads.
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